Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
