Umm I'm too high to move.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
