Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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