I am puke
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
