Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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