I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
