I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
