He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
