My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
