loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I forget how to act sober
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize