He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize