My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
