Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
