dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
