you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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