I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They have beer where we have blood.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
