Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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