Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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