Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
