Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
