Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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