My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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