I am midnight drunk by noon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
