she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
