someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize