I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
