This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
