Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
