brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
