I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
