You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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