paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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