weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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