We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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