We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
