from now on my penis is your penis
She said her name was "party"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
