i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
