Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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