its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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