Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
