omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
