The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
