If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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