I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
