i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize