Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
