I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
