I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
