I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
