I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
