well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
