I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she smelled like a LAN party
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
