K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
