he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
