Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
