forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
