Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize