Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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