chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
