i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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