Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
