They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
