If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
